


For blue skies

by scribblingfairytale



Series: Starry skies [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, F/M, Levi´s POV, Loss, Love, Reader-Insert, Stars, lonelyness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-03
Updated: 2014-05-03
Packaged: 2018-01-21 19:09:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1560914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scribblingfairytale/pseuds/scribblingfairytale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It´s been a while since you and Levi had been sitting together watching the starry sky.<br/>Now, humanity as won. And he wanders through the land. On search for something.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For blue skies

_“It´s been a long year”_

 

Time is the only constant in a life. Especially in a soldier´s life. It is always there. Always with you.

And though it is something really hard to grasp. If you don´t keep an eye on it, it just slips away. Starts flying.

It is unstoppable. Non-rewindable.

But there are times when it feels like as if the moments are only creeping by. Ever so slowly.

 

I think the latter is the worst. Time moves always quickly, but if it slows down it can become a torture.

It can destroy you.

Kill you inside.

 

The last year was hard. Harder than any other year before.

It was the first time that I really suffered. That it was hard for me to control myself. To keep the mask on. I succeeded in the end.

Still it was tough. But nobody knew it. Nobody even _saw_ it.

Not even you.

 

Everything is different now. The fighting is finally over. No titans are out there anymore.

But is this world any better now?

Is this what we _really_ wanted?

 

I don´t know anymore. Nothing is holding me in place within the walls, so I decided to go.

To that what lay beyond the walls.

To all the mysteries that are to be found there.

 

Was this really what I wanted?

 

I´m so tired. So tired of fighting. Tired of everything.

I forgot why I was fighting for all these years.

 

_“Since we last spoke”_

 

I miss you. Every single moment of my existence I´m missing you. Aching for you.

But it´s been so long.

 

Maybe too long?

 

Do you still love me? Do you still want to be with me?

For all the time to come?

 

I wish I could ask you. Looking at my stallion, my only companion on that path I´m going on, a deep sigh escapes my lips.

He must leave. If he didn´t, they would find me.

 

And I don´t want this. I don´t want to go back.

The fighting is over.

 

Still I´m struggling. As I stepped out of the walls alone, I immediately wanted to go back. I was afraid of the loneliness. The emptiness.

 

I know that they would be after me. They were so worried after the last battle.

 

Where I had lost control. Control over myself.

 

And now a deep wound could be seen on my side. It is still bleeding.

But it´s not the only wound. Those wounds in the soul are even deeper.

 

For the last time my hand runs through the beautiful fur of my horse. For the last time I look deep in his eyes.

Before I let him go. To be free.

 

I´m alone now. Alone on a path. I have no idea where it leads me to.

 

_“I never believed you_

_I only wanted to”_

 

When did I leave the walls? I don´t know. I stopped counting the seconds. The minutes passing by. The sun rising and declining. I lost track of the time.

 

I never lost track of you.

 

The sunset is close now. I can feel the warmth of the sun. The light of it.

Where is my light?

Who enlightens my path?

 

Suddenly I am stopping. Something had caught my eye. I thought it was you.

 

It isn´t.

 

What were I thinking? I am alone out here.

So forlorn…

 

But there is something. The light of the sun makes it even brighter. More beautiful.

Daffodils are growing there.

Plenty of them.

 

_“Before all this…”_

 

I am slowly approaching those flowers. Finally I stand in front of them.

 

A rare smile appears on my lips. A journey.

I´m definitely on a journey.

 

Carefully I pick a daffodil up and hold it tight in my grasp. I don´t want this to slip away.

So many things already did.

 

_“What did I miss?”_

 

Have I done everything right in my life? Do I need to regret something?

Where any choice I made wrong?

 

Do you know? Can you tell me?

Because I don´t know anymore.

 

I have the feeling that something is slipping through. Something really _important_.

What was this?

 

I´m on a journey. But where does it take me?

 

_“Do you ever get homesick?”_

 

My heart aches for the first time in my life. I never allowed those emotions to sip through.

Now everything is different. I don´t care anymore.

 

Nobody is here. Nobody sees me.

 

Where are you? I miss you so badly. So desperately.

I want to feel you again. Your warmth.

 

That chuckle of yours.

It always made me feel alive.

 

Should I go back? Back to the start?

 

_“I can´t get used to it…”_

 

The feeling of being alone freaks me out. It makes me lose control.

As I lost it on the battlefield. Where I got the injury from.

 

My wounds won´t heal anymore. There is so much damage. Too much to handle.

 

Have you ever experienced this?

Did you ever feel so… tired?

 

_“I´m under that night_

_I´m under those same stars”_

 

My gaze flickers up. Up to the sky. The starry sky.

We used to watch it so often. So often I could tell you which stars were new.

Still I didn´t fully believed you back then.

 

Everything is different now.

 

“Hey there” I murmur.

 

In the past year I watched the stars every night. I searched for a new star every night.

I was so scared back then.

 

But I found it. I found the star I was looking for. A star in unattainable distance.

 

It was you.

 

_“Could I have saved you?_

_Would that´ve betrayed you?”_

 

Ever since then I wondered if it could´ve ended different.

You deserved to be alive so much more than me.

 

Have I been too strong? Too strong for you?

 

Was it wrong trying to save you?

 

You were the one telling me about the stars. Now you are one of them.

And there is nothing I can change about it.

 

Was this right? Was this how it was supposed to be? How it was meant to be?

What you were meant to be?

A star?

 

But for what? To enlighten my path this way?

 

I always believed I was right. And you wrong. I thought the way you were thinking was childish.

Now I´m wondering if this really exists.

I need to be sure. I want to be sure.

 

I _believe_ now.

 

Believe that you and I can be together.

Beyond death.

 

_“I wanna burn this film”_

 

I remember everything so clearly. The memory never faded away. It always haunted me, especially on the battlefield.

I saw you everywhere and nowhere.

 

Even now I am not able to banish the images. And I don´t want it.

The pain reminds me that I´m still alive.

 

Still here. Alone.

 

But I´m on a journey. I am slowly getting an idea where it would take me.

It makes me smile.

 

Though the memory breaks my heart. That titan… Why hadn´t I seen it?

It was so close, and I could´ve had killed it in time.

 

You lying in my arms on the edge of dying was the hardest thing that ever happened to me.

And you blamed _yourself_. For leaving me.

 

You should´ve blamed _me_. For not saving you.

 

_“What you couldn´t do I will”_

 

You´re so stupid, little star. It was not your fault.

It would never be.

 

I love you and you loved me. That should have been enough for us.

We were aching for more.

 

And lost everything. Now I have nothing. For how long?

 

_“I forgive you”_

 

Remember, little star, don´t blame yourself. Your time was over. It was not meant to be.

 _We_ weren´t meant to last forever.

 

Not as the living, but in a different way…

 

My eyelids are getting heavier by the minute. It´s hard to keep my eyes open. To go on.

Where is the path?

I´m so tired… I´m so damn tired…

 

I want to be with you again. I want to reach my hand out to you.

I love you.

 

And I forgive you for fading away so soon. I don´t want to be angry. Not with you. I never wanted it.

 

So tired…

 

My journey has just started. I´ll forgive you, my little star.

 

_“For blue skies…”_

 

\--

 

As the night grew older a new star appeared on the sky.

It was not alone. It was close to a second one.

They would shine up there for the rest of the time. They would be together.

Eternally.

**Author's Note:**

> This story can be seen as a standalone as well, you don´t have to necessarily read the first part of it.
> 
> The story is inspired by the beautiful song "For blue skies" by Strays Don´t Sleep. The quotes are from the lyrics.


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